My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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