I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
