DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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