Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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