she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
