we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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