just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush