he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just pee around me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before