1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack