I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption