I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
