He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize