Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
