well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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