Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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