Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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