What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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