Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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