So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
