Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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