i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
