i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.