well I can't set my house on fire every night
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.