do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...