Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
only if we run a train.
done.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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