I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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