remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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