the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
3 2 1 whiskey
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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