just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
