you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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