she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?