i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots