I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?