I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.