so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.