Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
3pm strippers are depressing
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza