This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Randomize
