Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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