remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
