i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
