This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?