I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle