Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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