i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
