I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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