Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
