come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
