should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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