He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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