Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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