I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
