I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize