I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
