Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
