I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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