I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
