he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
