can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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