Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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