I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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