No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
