i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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