Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
