So drunk its hurt
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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