just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
